Wednesday, February 18, 2009
{ 6:14 AM }
i miss you.
i miss those times when i had someone to talk to about troubles i faced in school and with my friends.
i miss those times when i told you who i hated and you would make me feel so much better by telling me how bad those people were.
i miss those times when you mocked at my choices.
i miss those times we spent our day watching videos we borrowed.
i miss those times when we went to buy lunch after school.
i miss those times when we comforted each other and encouraged each other.
i miss those times we quarrelled and then after a day or two, become good friends again.
i miss you terribly.
i find life so much harder without you. unknowingly, i became so attached to you. even if i denied that i will miss you, i am missing you right now. it has been quite some time and yet, i am unable to put the past down and move on. almost everyday, i think about the past and dread living in the future. until now i am still living in the past. but somethings made me realise people change. the things around us are changing all the time. why do i still hope for me to go back to the past? why am i so stupid?
i havent changed. i havent at all. it is you people who have changed. why do you people always think that the problem lies with me. all the while i have been there. you people were with me there. but now, i guess you all have chosen to move on without me. i stood there watching your backs turn and leave together, and i am all alone standing there. why do i choose to isolate myself and turn hostile towards you people? cant you see, now i am filled with hatred, anger, fear and loneliness. why cant you people see. yea. i guess you think i have gone mad. indeed, i am a changed person. as i told you people, a scar will always be left even if the wound is healed. i told you all so, but you all didnt want to believe. now, you all just cut right through that scar and left another bigger wound. and i wonder when this can heal. i am sorry, maybe i am not worth to be your friend. you need someone who is outspoken, enthusiastic, fun, loud..but hey, you all know i am not like that. if you all really treat me as a friend, you will accept me no matter what i am. but i guess, i am just too lousy for you all to accept me at all. sorry for wasting all of your precious time and effort trying to change me. i guess i can never be changed anyways. old habits die hard. i am theodora kaur and i love being who i am.
i am like the devil among the angels, the dirt on a patch of snow, the worm among a group of butterfly..i guess, you will understand.